I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You were trust falling into bushes
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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