I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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