I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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