Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize