I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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