very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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