He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize