3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
