So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize