I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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