My Higher Power is John Stamos
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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