Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
