If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
