wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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