I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
