Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
