i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
