We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
