WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
