your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
