my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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