If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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