He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
