Your dad touched me again.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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