my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
