I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
