I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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