Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
