I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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