im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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