The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
we're making bets on your personal life
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
