At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
