yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
