You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
