shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
