We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
