Nicole vs. Life
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
