You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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