Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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