You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
