end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
