if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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