Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize