I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
