What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
