he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
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