tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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