We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
