i think i have herpe
just one?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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