just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
