My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
