sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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