The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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