"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
