i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
