WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
