Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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