the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Randomize
