You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
