You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize