yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Randomize
