we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
