end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
