Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
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