I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
