i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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