I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
