He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
