need another drink. this is the easiest way
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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