there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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