Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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